I recently heard from a very hardworking person that she felt she was lazy because she is spending time laying around and isn’t producing much work. Here was my take on this.
“It sounds like you are taking such terrific positive steps toward realizing your dreams – the website (can’t wait to see it!) and the lawyer (very, very smart move on your part). My take on the “laziness” is that you are not lazy, you are healing. This past year and a half has taken a big toll and it’s not until we have some down time that we can see the toll. You’ve experienced a lot of loss (job, apartment, friends, community), a lot of anger and shame and letting go (or not…), a shift in identity, moving from your home base, working to establish new roots.
In my experience, it’s impossible to keep going and going and going. Sooner or later, we have to rest and allow the subconscious to process everything, to incorporate the change into our being, and gradually adjust internally to the external changes. That’s the essence of transition – not simply changing outside circumstances, but learning what the change means and choosing our response to the change.
It’s big stuff, and you now have some time in which to do that internal work – or should I say, to allow that internal work to occur, because there’s very little “doing” that’s required or even possible. Yes, that is frustrating for someone like me and you because we love to keep busy DOING. Otherwise, I don’t feel useful or necessary, and can lapse into depression. So the trick is to keep some perspective and allow it to happen. I like to mix in some writing to bring the internal stuff out and sort of complete the circle and realize what shifts are happening. And awareness of the process always helps me.
My own past four years of travail are finally coming to an end, and I now have a renewed sense of purpose and identity – not so dependent on other people now and coming more from within me and through my spirit. So it does have a happy ending! And your journey will as well. Of course, then it will all start up again…for we are always changing and transitioning, if we so choose.”